Looking at the title of this article I understand that it may be misconstrued to talk about weddings, but though women say yes to that big moment in their life when we need to dress in white and think about making a public commitment to the man we say we love, we also say ‘yes’ countless other times when we give ourselves to a man we think we feel something for.
Relationships are a minefield, always, so it pays off big to know just why we say yes and what makes us do it and how we can best make the kind of choices that will ensure that each sexual encounter we have leads to, if not the best relationship in our lives, at least the kind of relationship which will not have us going to the Police to get restraining orders issued.
It can also lead to issues if you do not handle it right. It can also lead to issues if you do not handle it right.
The guidelines which follow are the sort of which may appear to be sensible at first sight but the very fact that we need, as women, to remind ourselves about them means that we are often prone to forget them and this can lead to no end of trouble.
So should you be at the point where you say ‘yes’ either literally or figuratively, with your actions, to the sex question then these are the reasons why you should not be having sex with someone you met:
1. If you don't trust your partner to respect your wishes if you change your mind about anything, you should not be having sex. Sex is a totally consensual act and as a woman you have the right to change your mind at any point of the proceedings. There is really no such a thing as ‘the point of no return’. It is your body and you have the last word on what happens to it.
2. Make sure that you are having sex for the right reasons. Emotional blackmail, such as “you said you loved me, I am so lonely, you promised you would”, or peer pressure, such as “everyone else is doing it”, are not appropriate motivations for having sex with a guy.
3. A recent study of sexual attitudes among 25 to 35-year-olds, carried out by researchers from Sheffield University, found that men thought it was acceptable to pressure women into having sex and to use alcohol to get them into bed. Be alert to both ruses not because you need to resist them, as such, but because if someone is using such tactics to get you into bed with them the chances are that you are not totally convinced you should be in bed with them.
4. Women, traditionally, are the ones who give in to pressure and have unwanted sex. Establish some ground rules for yourself. There should be a point where you make it clear that ‘no’ means ‘no’ and it does not mean ‘maybe’.
5. If you are not sure about your partner or if you have just met make sure you use a condom. Unprotected sex has been the main cause for the recent rise of Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs) in the UK.
6. If you don't feel comfortable discussing protection and contraception with your partner, you should not be having sex with them.
7. While not perfect, condoms are the most effective way of preventing sexually transmitted infections (STIs) such as HIV, gonorrhea, chlamydia and trichomoniasis. Condoms also provide some protection against herpes, syphilis and chancroid, but genital ulcer STIs can also be transmitted by contact with exposed infected skin. I know all this sounds horrific but closing your eyes to the possibilities and praying is the shortest route I know to actually getting an infection you do not want.
8. Condoms are not a particularly reliable method of preventing pregnancy either. The pregnancy rate among condom users is 12 per 100 women compared with three for oral contraceptives. However, you need to have been on the Pill for at least a month for it to be effective so if you have been out of the game for a while make sure you have this base covered too.
9. Be frank in what is happening and why. You are an adult and it is perfectly OK to fancy another person and want to go to bed with them even if you do not know them very well. Openness in your intentions and desires allows the other person to also be clear about what is happening and respond. Playing coy, hard to get or simply toying with someone you have no intention of sleeping with only sends mixed signals which can sometimes cause unwanted complications.
10. You should know what to expect but be careful about where you set your goals. Sex is a game played best by two people but you need to play by the same rules. If you want soft, romantic, easy sex and you meet someone at a bondage party the chances are that what you get is most definitely what you do not want.
Sex is a central aspect of our lives and ignoring longings and desires can cause deeper issues which range from the psychological to the physical. Like everything else though we need to take precautions and be very clear about what we do and why.
